In the second chapter of Embracing Obscurity, I confess to trying to skirt the issue. I read it. Re-read it. Tried to not ask myself the very sin-revealing questions the author puts in there. Like the child sticking his fingers in his ears, yelling “I can’t hear you!” Yeah. It’s a problem.
It’s a chapter of subtitles and pride. How we subtitle ourselves to boost our pride and feel important, special, worthy, and of value. His point is…what is our default description of our self? When asked what do we do or say our little summary about ourselves…what is it we say? How much is it answering a question and how much is it trying to show off our self?
He asks this:
If you have left a career/ vocation to be a stay-at-home parent, do you feel a sense of loss of identity? What thoughts or emotions come into play when someone asks you what you “do”?
Anonymous (2012-09-20). Embracing Obscurity: Becoming Nothing in Light of God’s Everything (p. 28). B&H Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
I’m faced frequently with this as I have left a career in nursing to be a stay at home mom and homeschooler. And when people ask what I do? I’m embarrassed to say what I do as I’m concerned others will say it’s nothing. Why? Pride. And after reading this chapter I have realized I still have so very much of it. Even after a full year home, I’m still very often ashamed of my subtitle of Mom and Teacher. I try to put emphasis on those roles so I feel more important. I feel it isn’t enough. I want to be more for myself and my own glory…not necessarily to give Him more. And that realization has me so ashamed. So much of what I do is tainted by my pride of self…that I confess what he said as well:
…doesn’t mask the underlying desire to make others think I’m a somebody. That I matter. That I’m going places. I’m itching for admiration, respect, and yes, even jealousy.
Anonymous (2012-09-20). Embracing Obscurity: Becoming Nothing in Light of God’s Everything (p. 21). B&H Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
I am deeply cognizant of how much more of God’s sanctifying work of the gospel needs to reach farther into the depths of my heart. It’s His story. His glory. His grace. His life. And I’m still trying to plagiarise it. Praise Him there is mercy found at his throne! And may His Word shine in all the dark recesses of my heart!