I agreed to what?!

Last week in our Classical Conversations community the announcement was officially made about my new role as a Foundations/Essentials Director for our area’s new community for 2013.  All last week I got email after email as we are getting geared up for new registration and interest meetings.  Tasks, reminders, chores, jobs, names and events are all flowing together.  I’m very excited to see how God is going to use this in my life, my family’s life and our area for His glory.  Yet, as I see the tasks unfolding before me, my fears of failure tend to resurface and I sit be-fuddled and confused…what did I just get myself into?

Is this not what happens when you take on something new?  No matter how much knowledge or information you may have before you make the decision to do it, there is much that later threatens to steal away the wonder and joy of it all.   Now eyes are on me.  How will I respond?

In faith and grace.  I hold firmly in my heart that I will fail the majority of expectations. I look at the wonderful director who is mentoring me through the process and know I will not be able to duplicate her.  Thankfully, I know God called me to this job and as I humbly seek to serve Him, He will direct my steps.  This will be a challenge.  No doubt, I will be doing things that will require humility and the servant-leadership of Christ…which all must come from Him.  And as long as the torch is mine to hold, I want to be worthy of the call.  Not working out of my own strength, but the strength, grace, and forgiveness in failure that He gives.

“To know God and to make Him known.”

My Disorganized Heart

If you visited my home, more than likely you would think I am an organized person.  I personally thrive in an ordered environment.  Kids have a tendency to ruin that zen-like environment and I confess it has been the study (obsession?) of my years as mom to try to regain the external environment that is most conducive to my contentment.

Note, external environment.  While it may reflect great order, the chaos of my heart to get it there often causes me to respond in ungodly ways to:

“Pick up your trash!  I taught you better!”

“What made you think you could let your little brother put peanut butter on his own bread on the floor!”

“I can’t take this….go outside and play.  I will tell you when you can come in!”

While the introduction to The Organized Heart begins with the confessions of a woman who is disorganized in life, I find the contrast in my heart.

Disorganization steals your joy. It causes you to go through your life frazzled and stressed. It causes friction with your husband and makes you snap at your children. It makes you perform ministry tasks grudgingly. It prevents you from developing friendships, because you’re always rushing from one task to the next. You don’t feel like you’re doing anything well, let alone to the glory of God.

Eastin, Staci (2011-02-26). The Organized Heart (p. 11). Cruciform Press. Kindle Edition.

To the glory of God.  That is what I want.  A reasonable life-sphere defined by order but not at the sacrifice of relationships, particularly with my whirl-wind children.  Is a toy-free living room more necessary than the cultivation of my children?  Some days, ashamedly, I live that way.  I see chaos around me and it seeps into my heart and frazzles me.  Instead of centering my heart and mind on the One who can calm my storms, I panic like the disciples (Matt 8:24-26).

Through this book, we are going to look at some heart idolatry interfering with organization.  The author cautions that there will be no to do lists or schedules on how to keep your house clean.  She reminds us as women that the goals of organization will look different for every woman, depending upon your stage of life, personality and needs of your family.  This at the outset removes the guilt that I have to be like someone else…whomever it may be that in our eyes is the “Queen” of order.  Instead of comparing myself laterally, it calls me to look vertically and see how can I better serve and glorify God by seeing, confessing and obtaining forgiveness for sin in the way I order my world around me.

It’s a Bubba Day

photo (6)Yesterday was my boy’s 6th birthday.  Where has the time gone?  Such a happy and chunky baby and now I have this little mini-John running around.  He’s what you think of with the term boy: noisy, dirty and the glint of mischief in the eye and smirk on the lips.  But he’s still my little boy when he grabs hold of me and doesn’t want to let go.  When he comes to me to smoosh noses, laughing when I say “Ow”!, or when he whispers at night I love you.

How the kid got so big so quickphoto (5) is a mystery.  But, here’s to my Bubba-man, Isaac.