I’ve been in a funk the last few weeks. It’s an I’m sick of my life funk. Being an at home mom is a thankless job. Being a homeschooling mom is not only thankless, it’s never-ending. As teacher, tutor, mom, wife, bargain shopper, meal maker, house cleaner, child referee and disciplinarian …the tasks that are mine fall on the visual pathway of 3 kids who don’t know it or rapidly destroy whatever I have so carefully accomplished. It’s exhausting, emotional and just down right depressing.
I want adventure. I want to do something that isn’t mom or wife related. Something that gets me away from my home with its never-ending chores haunting me or my wonderful kids asking a hundred questions. I am in need of an inexpensive hobby that can be done alone. Of course, the things I like are not available in a 100 mile radius. And some things I’d be willing to try are so expensive to start-up, I don’t know if I’d be able to sacrifice such a huge amount for something I may not do often.
I have talked to other mom’s in the last few weeks and I feel like we are all in a similar boat. Not that we all need a hobby of our own, but that we are all in the same depressive, exhaustive funk that can attack homeschooling mothers. So much of what we do is constant and unobserved…and the younger the kids the more that is true. This isn’t to equate our work with being a bad or unworthy thing. It is very worthy. Still, it is both my experience and my observation that mom is the last one to take the break she may need. The guilt of taking a day off (or a day out), of seeking others to watch her kids for the day (paid or not), of the emotions that shame us (we really do love our kids and being at home) all make for a bi-polar personality when it comes to claiming some time to rest. And if we do finally get to that point, we don’t know what to do with that time. As a homeschooling mom, everything I do daily is with my children in attendance…from errands to doctor appointments to chores and activities. At times, even the bathroom isn’t a sacred place to be alone. So when I am given an hour or two of being out by myself, I can’t seem to disengage my mind from my family to enjoy it. Why is it mothers have such a hard time grasping the “fun”?
I don’t know why. But I know for me, a little R and R is needed and I’m working on some plans to do so. For years with my husband’s work schedule such activities had to be at home (sewing, writing, reading) by necessity. But with him home more, engaged more in the home, I can see how unbalanced my life is in this area. I can see how it steals my joy in the work that God has so graciously given me. It’s not healthy for myself, my husband or my kids when I burn myself out. I don’t know yet what I’m doing for “fun”…but I’m making plans for it.