Eyes tightly shut

I keep shutting my eyes.  The glow of my computer screen over the last few days has been quite the strain.  Or maybe I just want to hide from grown up decisions that have overwhelmed me this week.  If I close my eyes tight enough…maybe I’ll wake up…maybe it’ll all magically be done and perfect.  Maybe.

Or not.

What on earth am I talking about?  Big things, my friend.  Big things.  It first started as a journey to refinance our home…saving a few bucks and enjoying a bit of a break.  Then we thought, well, we could replace our flooring and roll that into our new loan.  We’ve lived in our home for almost 5 years and honestly, our flooring needed to be done when we bought it.  Life changes priorities and we held on tight during some rough times.  So, golden opportunity right?  Ummm…have you priced flooring?  WOW.  I know I can get some clearance deal.  But we’re not looking to replace the floor for another 10 years so we know better than getting el cheapo whatever.  With 3 kids, you kind of look more at long-term durability than what is the cheapest thing I can find.  So when we realized just how much we were talking about, we starting seriously questioning if it wasn’t better to try to sell and buy a new home nearby. We have known that while the size of our home is suitable for our family forever, we have been unsatisfied with its location on a high traffic road.  We didn’t realize this until after we purchased the home and it’s only gotten worse.  This might be a better option.

So now we are seriously looking at selling our first home.  Gasp.  I don’t know how to do this.  I’ve been pouring over tips and tricks and how to’s for the last 3 days.  I’ve searched home values, new home values and narrowed down options.  I’ve attempted to find out reviews on realtors while my husband gathers information from the bank.  Nothing’s official.  There’s no sign up in my yard.  But this may happen and I’m terrified. I’m terrified of making a huge mistake.  I’m terrified of not taking the opportunity.  I am absolutely cringing at the thought of cleaning out, consolidating, packing, and showing my home.  I’m going to do this with 3 kids with me all day?  How do I do this with our home schooling schedule?  Are we insane to even think it?

(eyes tightly shut)

Sigh.  I don’t know.  There’s no handbook to know if what we are thinking is right, wrong, good or bad.  From the counsel I’ve received, all we can do is try.  Try to sell it.  Know how low you can go before it’s not worth moving.  Get as much information as you can, praying every step of the way and trust Him who knows all.  This, as frightening as it is to me, doesn’t frighten God.  We’re not surprising Him.  Maybe it’ll be a mistake, maybe not, but either way, keeping my eyes on Him means whatever happens He controls.  And when I forget that, there’s grace.  To breathe.  To cry.  To be exhausted.  To not know the next step.  It’s ok.  He’s got me.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it. (Psalm 139:1-6, ESV)

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