If my suspicions are correct, I have a fabulous son with a combination of ADD/Dyslexic tendencies. Evaluations will begin in the new year, as the medical world does not accept or recognize the observations of a homeschooling mom (I understand why, it’s just ironic in my mind).
All this has been revealed over the past month. Well, the ADD part has been suspected longer. To be succinct, it’s been overwhelming. I’ve panicked. I’ve been angry with God. I’ve been frustrated with the growing understanding that this is not a fixable problem but one as a family we have to cope with. One he will have to cope with for the rest of his life. And I’ve been saddened by my own ignorance in the past, and comments I’ve made to others in that ignorance.
For years, we’ve had our children with us in church. I wanted them in there. I wanted them to learn how to sit still and be a part of the service. To know what they hear, see and be able to talk from it. And, truthfully, I was wanting to prevent in them the same inability my spouse has in sitting still. It’s worked…with much discipline and training. And I’ve been glad. I’ve encouraged it in others. I’ve counseled them to embrace it. Until now.
Now I wonder what consequences I’ve inadvertently caused in a child whose made different. Already, my children hate what I want them to love, but this child more so. It has been a specific form of torture to him. I understand now the unique torture it is for my spouse, as I know he is the same as my son. It seems obvious, but now I realize that families are different. What one family can do, another may not be able to do. And I have judged, wrongly, thinking that there is just one way to “train up a child in the way he should go”.
God makes unique children. Unique families. And while I do not advocate “forsaking the assembly of believers”, I’m plunged into the realization that not every family can do every service, or every service this way. Families with learning disabilities or other handicaps may not be able to do all that another can. And that is ok. We are called to be faithful where we are; not where we wish to be. I’m realizing that for the sake of a young child and spouse who cannot sit still that long, and for me trying to hold everyone together and learning nothing from the service because of it…maybe what we’ve done isn’t the best way for our family. I’m still at a loss to what is the best way, but I have spent the past two weeks discovering that there are uniquely challenging situations that don’t always have a quick answer. All I can do is try different things prayerfully, knowing that God is in control, has made each of us, and formed us as a family. He knows what will work well for us during each step of our growth as a family. And to rejoice in the gift of love He’s given us.