Tunnel vision

Lately, I’ve felt like I’ve been digging a tunnel to somewhere.  I’ve just kept my nose to the task, knowing if I stop, I won’t start back up again.

tun·nel vi·sion
  1. 1.
    defective sight in which objects cannot be properly seen if not close to the center of the field of view.


It’s not the best way to get through tasks.  Or life.  I certainly don’t advise it.  Still…it’s where I’ve been stuck for the past few months.  I’m wrestling to get out of the tunnel, but sometimes your so far in you just have to keep going.  So that is what I’ve done.  To an exclusion of a lot of things….house chores, playing games with the kids, blogging, and well….just embracing life.  I woke up a week ago wondering when was the last time was that I had fun.  And where on my calendar could I pencil it in whenever I figured out what I could do that would be fun.

This weekend my husband and I planned for fun.  We went to the local Air Show…something that is very nostalgic to me and even though I know very little about warplanes and fighters…I find them awe-inspiring to look at, to consider what pilots must go through to fly them and just the incredible speed of them.  To consider the wars and battles fought with them.  And to remember so many years of my childhood, hot, miserable and grouchy (I’m sure) as my parents took me to them time and time again.  Even if I didn’t appreciate it as a kid (like mine didn’t), I do now.

Then we spent our Sunday at the beach.  With a stomach bug racing around my church family and friends (and this being the week of our Classical Conversations Year End Celebration), I chose not to risk any exposure.  I’m sure to catch it as I have no immunity to ANYTHING after years of asthma.  With John home and the weather beautiful, we played.  We grilled hamburgers.  We rested.  And in that rest I was able to see the end of the tunnel.  To realize that I’ve been trusting too much to hard work and single-mindedness and squelching faith and trust.  To see how legalism crept in…whispering words of ineffectiveness and guilt and perfection.

I still have to finish my tasks.  The work is still there.  But there is light at the end of the tunnel.