Spinning wheels

For a while100_6980 now, I have been racing along, but not really going anywhere.  Like a wheel on a treadmill…or a hamster in a cage.  It’s the common routine of life for me:  what errands to run, what school work to teach, what meals to make, and which book shall I read today.  Because I’m not wanting to focus on things.  It’s soooo much easier to let the routine run me.  I am a creature of habit and so many of the habits I’m in are GOOD ones…when they take me somewhere.  Like connecting with my kids.  Or quality time with my hubby.  Discipleship over coffee and biscotti.  The deep conversations that draw you closer to the person God is calling you to be.  But I often forget the goal of my tasks…

As a naturally task-oriented, predominately introverted individual, it’s very easy for me to find comfort and security amongst my To-Do list.  I mean, there’s no pressure.  Evaluation of success is a simple “yes” or “no”.  There is little heart involvement.  Minimal risks for miscommunication, misrepresentation and general mistakes.  And then, when the final task it checked off, I can freely reward myself with my drug of choice…which is some mystical book about a land in a galaxy far, far away.  Usually with some amazing heroine that conquers all her foes and leads the kind of fearless life I long to live, but gets lost in the whole mother of 3, homeschooling, bill paying, schedule making thing.  

I yearn to stop the wheel.  To get off and have an adventure of epic proportions.  It’s a common problem for bookworms….we all have illusions of grandeur issues.  But the thing that is sticking to me like a burr…is why motherhood and general living isn’t the grandiose adventure?  So many people in my life share the same day in and day out to the same rhythm that only ever varies on weekends…are we missing the boat?  Did we give up on doing something brave or fearless?  Is there greener grass somewhere? Or perhaps, we are the secret dreamers and wisher that speak those grandiose adventures into the next generation?  Perhaps, we need to rekindle a fire for life…real life.  The responsible non-swashbuckeling life.  Reminding ourselves that each routine, each rhythm can bring us somewhere significant.  We may never even know it was significant.  Maybe, it’s significance was for someone else?  Or maybe it’s significance is layers upon layers of mundane, patience, self-sacrifice and grace…so that when adventure comes knocking…we don’t become the villain or the damsel in distress.  But instead, we can follow in the footsteps of a Hero.

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